Earlier this week I heard that someone was talking negatively about me and I went straight into my default thought of – humph, I won’t be speaking to her anytime soon! And, of course, I questioned the motives of the person who shared the news of the negative comments – why would this person tell me this? Just to make me feel bad? Ugh. In any event, I thought about trying to respond differently this time around because I’m pretty good at the default, this situation having occurred more than a few times in the past. Of course I know how to be mad at someone who’s been talking stuff about me! But what if I tried to understand that person’s perspective? Let me be honest – that didn’t work fresh off the news. I’m still working on that one. But I did decide I would try to treat that person exactly the same because after all, it’s not that big of a deal, right? And also because I would never want that person to know she got to me. More importantly, I chuckled when I thought about how it might make her go a little batty wondering why I was being so nice and acting as if nothing happened. Ultimately, what I arrived at is this: she just isn’t worth it (the time spent thinking about her and what she said, I mean) and nor are her petty little comments. I was giving her too much time, too much credit and too much of my power. I didn’t agree with what she said and to dwell on it would give it some credence, some validity. I think it was that thought that resonated the most with me – the fact that she can have her opinion, voice it, heck she can scream it from a mountaintop. But it doesn’t mean one thing to me because I don’t agree with it, it’s not my truth and I don’t need to invest myself in what she thinks. Ahh, sweet freedom. I refuse to be caged in and restricted to what others think. Now if I can just remember all that the next time someone talks bad about me and it gets back to me . . .
Nicole Hancock Husband is an attorney and Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (“CPCC”). Nicole graduated from Howard University School of Law in 1996 with a Juris Doctorate and from Ohio State University in 1993 with a Bachelor’s of Science in Business Administration, with a Finance/International Studies double major and Spanish minor.